


Too Gay

by WillowRuby



Category: Hamilton - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 07:25:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10917120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WillowRuby/pseuds/WillowRuby
Summary: Hamilton and John, along with Burr and Lafayette and Mulligan, attend the 1780 Winter's Ball. Eliza gives him a death threat, Lafayette steals his fun, Mulligan gets drunk, and Burr goes "senpai" and tries to teach Alexander the roots. But...something's up with John. He doesn't seem to be having a good time. He won't even drink... Detective Alex to the rescue.





	Too Gay

**Author's Note:**

> i...have nothing to say  
> enjoy my sin c,:

Alexander let out a loud, upset sigh as his alarm blared. What. The fuck. Why did he have to WAKE UP. He didn't want to. Why wasn't laying in bed not an option? He just had this...large cloud of dread hanging over his shoulders like a storm ready to crash down. He didn't want to get up and face whatever was headed his way. He just wanted to lay down...stay down...-  
Then his phone rang.  
He jumped again, then cursed at himself, and whoever was on the damn phone. He didn't care who. He snatched the phone. "Who the damn wakes Alexander the Great up?!"  
"A-Alex, hey..."  
"Ooh, Laurens...hey..."  
"Ahem...did-did you sleep well?"  
"Let's skip that subject. Is there something you need?" His voice was soft again; this was Laurens. Fragile, small...  
"Uhm...you're planning on going to the Winter's Ball still, right?" Laurens asked hopefully.  
The Winter's Ball.  
Alex's eyes widened and he sat up, wearing only boxer briefs. "Oh-! Yes, yes I'm on my way!" he said, remembering why his alarm set in the first place. He had a place to be. Sooner rather than later- what time was it? He looked at the clock and let out an inhuman scree. "Oh my god that's why you called, I'm an hour late!"  
"Yeah..."  
"Shit."  
"...yeah."  
"Well...can I let you go so I can get ready? I'll throw something together; I always do."  
"'You always do'?"  
"John, meetings in the morning with politics don't like me, can we please move on?"  
There was a soft (adorable, jeez-) laugh from the other end of the phone. It reminded Alexander of something, but he didn't know what... "Yes, Alex. We can drop the subject."  
"Thank you. I'll call you back, okay?" Hamilton said urgently.  
"Yeah, sure. Bye~!" John chimed.  
Alex smiled a little as he hung up. For a moment, he stood frozen, phone pressed to his chest as he let out a sigh. He closed his eyes. Then his eyes popped open like he'd been shot. He had to get to the damn dance! He scooped up an armful of clothes and sniffed; none of them smelled particularly rank. Good start, good start... He threw some clothes onto his body, not caring about matching socks or ties, or brushed hair, he'd brush his hair on the way, as he headed into the bathroom to brush his teeth (essential for any dance, kissing was involved, hygiene needed), he sniffed his armpits to be sure he didn't smell the way he felt. He violently scrubbed his teeth with a toothbrush and looked at his watch.  
He ran out the door, but he heard a plea of "Alexander!"  
Alex froze and popped his head in. "Yes, Eliza darling?"  
"Please, don't get laid again? That'd be ideal," Eliza enthused with a sigh.   
Alex's cheeks lit up. He chuckles nervously. "Right... yeah. Look, Eliza, honey, I love you to the moon and back, you know this--"  
"But I have to go meet up with my friends?" Eliza raised her eyebrows.   
"Exactly! You really know me babe. Love you!" Alex zipped out the door and broke into a sprint, frantically brushing his hair as he went, eyes squinted against the wind. He burst into the auditorium with loud and heavy breathing.  
The four turned to look at him. "Whoa, what happened here?" Burr asked, eyes wide.   
"Alex looks like he just crawled out of the forest!" Mulligan exclaimed.   
"Sacre bleu, mon ami! What has happened?!" Lafayette gaped.   
"Long story fellas... hey, John!" He threw his arms around the shortest of the bunch. He rubbed his cheek with his own playfully. "Did you miss me?"  
"Alex, are you already drunk?"  
"No! It's called affection John- you should try it!" Alexander groaned.   
"Yeah, okay..." John said quietly, cheeks dusting pink.   
Alex furrowed his brow in confusion. "John-?"  
"Ladies and gentleman! Welcome to 1780's Winter's Ball! If you'd walk forward, you'll enter the ballroom. Enjoy yourselves, and please... try not to throw up o the dessert tables..." as the man speaking leaned away, you could hear the faint whisper of, "it happens every time..."  
"He sounds... very sad," Hamilton observed.   
They all laughed as they made their way towards the front doors. John walked slowly in the back, looking off to the side. He didn't want to do this.  
“Here we are, everybody!” Hamilton declared as he stood in front of the big white doors.   
The men cheered merrily, except for the half-hearted noise that came from John. It sounded almost more like a groan than a cheer, but it got drowned out by the loud screams of excitement from the others. Other than Hamilton and Burr, of course, this was the only time they got to see...women. Lafayette and Mulligan were thrilled. Though he almost thought that Mulligan was only excited because of the booze. It wouldn’t surprise anybody. It was probable that the women were quite literally just an added bonus, and if he managed to get one of them drunk...it was up to the others to get him away very quickly.  
Lafayette was quite the gentleman in himself, always holding the doors for ladies and swooning at them, he was quite the woman’s man. So being in a ballroom full of women is a dream of his that’s only fulfilled once a year. Alexander was quite frankly confused as to why he never had a girlfriend, or heck, a wife. It seems like someone like him would leave ladies fighting over him. It made the most sense.  
All these thoughts aside, Hamilton’s soft hand brushed on top of the golden doorknob. He traced his fingers along the circular, cold shape. He swallowed, hearing the music from inside along with heels clicking along to the beat. Oh yeah, there were girls here. He couldn’t stop the childish smile, like a middle school boy about to walk into a dance without a date, expecting to get one there. ...Yeah, he did that too. But it’s fine, it’s fine, he had a wife when nobody else in the squad exactly did...Burr had a daughter, but that doesn’t count, he wasn’t married.   
He would be, if it was legal, but…  
Eh, it’s fine.  
“Are you guys ready?” Hamilton said giddily, but quietly.   
“We’re ready!” Lafayette cried, “let us in!”  
“Please!” Mulligan fell against the door, whining.  
Hamilton raised an eyebrow with a soft laugh. “Desperate little boys~”  
“Alexander, I swear to god if you don’t open that door I will-”  
“Okay!” Alex yelped. He knew how far to push Laf before something bad was bound to happen. He wasn’t one to give empty threats. He turned back towards the door, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes briefly, getting lost in the soft beat of the music, his pounding heart matching it.  
As he opened his eyes, the door was open. He let go of the knob and looked into the ballroom. Hundreds of girls, lots of food tables spread across the entire area. Alex’s heart leaped and he grinned widely at the sight. “Yes!” he said with a bouncy laugh. “Come on boys!”  
He really was a child, he’d admit.  
Alex stepped out of the way as to not be stampeded by Burr, Mulligan and Lafayette. Laurens only smiled sheepishly as he stepped towards the open door. His eyes lay on the swishing of skirts, the heel clicks, the elegant (and not-so, from the drunkies) dancing, and the soft music. Everything should add up to be a “man’s heaven”. But he just wanted nothing to do with this.  
This wasn’t his scene, he didn’t belong here. He didn’t want to be here. Maybe he could just make smalltalk with the others until it was time to leave. He went to turn to the taller Alexander, opening his mouth, but Alex had already darted off. John’s eyes frantically scanned the crowd desperately, and caught Alex on one knee, kissing the hand of a lady with a smooth wink, the lady raising a skeptical eyebrow.   
Okay, so talking with Alex was out.   
Lafayette, he usually waited for the right lady at the right time, if he hurried, there was a chance that he could find his friend before he got too caught up, and explain to him the situation. Surely he’d understand. He scanned the crowd once more- there! There was a curly bun moving amongst the crowd. He broke into a brisk walk, calling out, “Lafayette! Laf!”, but it was lost in the music. And soon enough, his sight of the bun was lost in the crowd, and he was stick in a bunch of girls dancing and moving their hips, sometimes moving him around.  
Laurens’ chest tightened with uncomfortability. He felt himself beginning to sweat. “M-Mulligan…?!” he cried with a bit of a whimper. “Burr…!”  
“Are you lost, little one?” A woman grabbed him by the chin gently, moving him close. She was pretty much the “dancer woman” stereotype. Big breasts, curly, kinky hair, she was beautiful.   
For anybody else.  
“N-no, thank you…! I can find my way, please just let me go…” He whispered.  
“Are you bored? I can give you a good time, if that’s what you’re looking for…” She swished her hips again, taking his hand and bringing it close, moving to kiss it.  
He ripped his hand away and stumbled back. He almost fell, he needed to grab something. Unfortunately, he had grabbed her dress, and with a loud rip, he tore it down the front as he fell.   
The dance stopped as the woman screamed, covering herself and backing away. John’s face turned white in horror as everybody in the room stared at him. In unison, he heard four different, “John?!”’s. Thank god, his friends...they could get him out of here.  
He began to crawl away from her, wide eyed and horrified, when Burr grabbed his arm and hauled him up. Lafayette walked over to the woman, using his natural skills, he swept up her hand with a smile and a wink and an apologetic voice coated in his French accent. The woman softened up and learned to forgive. Burr hastily lead Laurens away from the scene, Alex in toe, Lafayette gave one last wink and apology before slipping into the crowd to find Mulligan.  
John collapsed onto a bench outside, burying his face in his hands. Poor boy was probably traumatized. Alex sat beside him. “John? Are you…-”  
“No, I’m not okay! I just ripped that woman’s dress all the way down the front- the things I saw, Alex!” he screamed.  
“Does that mean…” Alex raised his eyebrows in surprise.  
John blinked. His cheeks turned red. “Oh...well...yeah, I’m a virgin…”  
“Really? John you’re 27!” He blanched.   
“Y-yeah, so?!” John cried defensively.  
“Why did you not want her to kiss you?” Burr asked, truly dumbfounded.   
“Because…!” John shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “I just didn’t! Why is that so bad?!” He buried his face in his hands, looking away, face beet red.  
Then Alex got an idea, as Lafayette and Mulligan returned. He moved his face towards the other boy’s and planted a kiss onto his lips.  
John turned bright red, his eyes widening in shock. He stared up at Alexander, and it clicked in Hamilton’s mind.  
“You’re gay, aren’t you? That’s why you didn’t want to spend time with the girls!” Alex declared.  
“S-shut up…” John whimpered.  
“Is it true?”  
“Yes…”  
“How cute,” Alex said. Then he leaned forward and whispered something quietly into John’s ear. John turned redder, covering his face and whining.  
“What’d you tell him?” Lafayette asked nervously.  
Alex leaned forward with a smug smile. “That he won’t be a virgin for long~”


End file.
